This post has been something I have been thinking about for a month now. I have tried to sit down to write it a few times, but I get interrupted — a sign of the bigger issue. Things are out of my control. Work, home, Ryan’s work, my friends’ lives…. are all out of my control. You might think that this is pretty obvious and you are right. It is. But I am just now getting it.
The last month has been a series of broken plans. It all started with Valentine’s Day. Ryan and I have a tradition of not celebrating with gifts or a fancy dinner, but just spending time together with dinner and a movie at home. I spent most of that day talking about how it wasn’t a big deal to me. We ended up getting called into work at Little Caesar’s which called my bluff. Weekends are sacred around here and I like for them to go as planned. The rest of that weekend and the next followed suit. I had a rude awakening that I am not as good at going with the flow as I thought. I acted like a big baby and felt sorry for myself. That afternoon, the sun came out and we got to spend some time together. I got to read my book in the hammock with a dirty chai latte. Ryan reminded me that we were having fun even after my plan hadn’t worked out.
God is showing me through these experiences and our pastor’s sermons (find here) that it isn’t about me. My life is part of a bigger story of the Lord restoring people to Himself.
Some of my favorite girls had a scary situation last week. Their house was broken into while they were all sleeping. Because of the Lord’s provision, they were all spared. I have been encouraged to see the Lord’s faithfulness to them, but also seeing my own ugly desire to have control. I wish I could have stopped this from happening, wish that they didn’t have to have this memory during their last semester of college, what about my own safety just a block away from them… and then I am reminded again that suffering is another way that God is restoring us. He is making us like His son. He is making us more dependent on him. Read Maddie’s thoughts for a really encouraging reaction to the break-in: here.
I want this space to be a place where I share the ugly parts too. I fear that I only get excited about sharing the “perfect” or “pretty” things. I hope that you find encouragement in suffering.
1 Peter 4:12-19
“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”